It’s 12:35 at night and I’m trying to go to sleep. But then I feel a need to do something, to write.  And that’s how things happen sometimes. At the strangest times and in the strangest ways, God pushes us to do things.  So, moral of this little story – writers should keep computer or notebook by them at all times – and, if you can’t sleep – maybe God’s trying to ask you to do something.

Anyway, this post is a bit different than what I usually write. But like I said, I feel a need to write it. So here we go:

I don’t know about y’all, but I know that I frequently feel inadequate or not good enough or like I’m not living up to people’s expectations. Then it takes me a bit, but I remember that I am good enough. I am adequate. And the only expectations that matter are the ones God has for me. But the feelings still come and go. Tonight, earlier, was one of those times. I don’t even know why. It just was.  So I started writing a poem that I’m going to share with y’all – read it all the way to the end.

Who am I? 

I am wounded. I am yearning. 

For what I do not know. Many would say I have it all, 

and yet that is not so. 

I am reaching, I am searching. 

A reason there is still to find. They all think I’m wonderful, 

and yet I fall behind. 

I am hurting. I am floundering. 

There must be a way out. Still no one can hear,

no matter how I shout. 

I am broken. I am shattered. 

I hide it all behind my smiles. No one must ever know 

the weight I bear for many miles. 

I am hopeless. I am flawed. 

Show me a reason. Let me want to live. 

Let me know what I can give. 

I am trying. I am learning. 

Aches still fill my heart. Is everyone so blind to 

What they see as art? 

I am wanting. I am shouting. 

Keeping it all very disguised. No pressure put on anyone. 

Let them believe the lies. 

I am fine. I am happy. 

Easy words to always say. And simple enough to prove

In the cheery light of day.

I am smiling. I am crying. 

It appears as joyful tears. No one stops to listen to the 

pain of each and every year. 

I am laughing. I am joking. 

Always ready with the smartest pun. Would anyone notice, perhaps,

if one day I was done? 

I am praying. I am pleading. 

To find an escape, a way to get out. And still I’m locked inside, 

seeming only to pout. 

I am needing. I am thirsting. 

And all my answers are there. I put them upon the cross, 

for He will gladly bear. 

I am tired. I am forlorn. 

The peace I long for never came. He lifts my face to His and 

I no longer feel the same.  

I am seeing. I am hearing.  

A plan for me there now. The trembles disappear as 

before Him I will bow. 

I am peaceful. I am wanted. 

For His love fills every need. Each day I grow in Him, 

now a sapling from the seed. 

I am finding. I am singing. 

Praise to Him on high! My heart will not be troubled, 

I no longer need to lie. 

I am loving. I am healing. 

It never matters what they think. When it becomes too much again, 

on my knees I will sink. 

I am His Child. I am His joy.  

Let me always sing his song. Night and day, day and night, 

in Him I will belong. 

I am Loved

I am loved. And so are you. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your grades in school may be, no matter how many or how few friends you have, what your family is like, etc. remember this: You are loved. I think sometimes we get wrapped up in looking at the world around us that we forget to look inside and see how much He loves us and wants us to know Him. It’s easy to fall into despair or hopelessness if we fail to keep Him in our hearts. Yet if we remain in Him, He remains in us and He will be our source of everlasting peace and joy.

Especially when the world around us is dark and seems to be full of nothing but bitterness, ugliness, death, and suffering, we need to remind ourselves that Love surrounds us and holds us. And if we have His love we must share it with others. Be a light for the darkened world to see. Be hope for those who have none. Be a friend to the one without a friend. Be a light.

That’s who we are. We are loved. We are a people of joy. We are lights for the world to see. We are HIS. And He is ours.

Never forget that.

Pray for those who don’t know His love or try to deny it. I’ll be praying too. And I ask you pray for me, as I will pray for you.

~

Catherine

P.S. Now maybe I’ll sleep…